Why is Self-esteem so Important?

Only this morning the BBC covered a news story on the increase among school children of eating disorders and other related issues.

A young girl of 14 was reported as saying; “When I was bulimic I didn’t eat because I felt it was at least something that I could do for myself, and I felt a sense of achievement from it”. She went on to say that she had not been taught anything about emotional wellbeing!

In my own personal experience, to have a lack of self-esteem is to have a core vulnerability that makes for a very volatile human being. Such a person is by the very nature of their vulnerability potentially dangerous to themselves and others! Why? Because if we have not learned to love, trust and respect ourselves, we feel as if something is missing or wrong with us and our lives. This then increases our sense of core vulnerability, making us even more susceptible to the need for a sense of all-rightness.

Unfortunately, without the proper guidance and education in proper thinking, emotional management, integrity and proper conduct, we are left to flounder like fish out of water, perhaps – though by no means certainly – eventually learning from the painful experiences that we bring upon ourselves.

Having core vulnerability can literally cause us to become our own worst enemy, living in fear of our own self image and the fear that others will not love or like us because of it! Such a person is constantly on edge and defensive, fearing anything that sounds or looks like criticism. Why? Because when you already think of yourself and judge yourself to be lacking or inadequate in some way, you are already your own worst judge and critic, so you will try to avoid the pain of what you believe to be further judgement and criticism at all cost. Some people do this in an introverted way (i.e. withdraw into themselves in an attempt to avoid the possibility of further pain), others do it in extroverted ways (i.e. become defensively abrasive, rebellious, even violent).

There are many other symptoms that are also born out of such vulnerability and such symptoms can often eventually lead to mental, physical and emotional disorders.

It might even be fair to say that if we can set about curing such symptomonious patterns in our thinking and behaviour, we might soon give life to a new and contagious symptom called and experienced as wellbeing! This may sound like pie in the sky hokey pokey thinking, but I have learned from direct experience that having core stability as opposed to core vulnerability is with the proper training, education and guidance, available to all and everyone.

We must ask ourselves, “How can I possibly like or love or approve of myself if I don’t even like my own thinking?” “Or if my own belief systems are self-denying or self-destructive, how can I approve of and feel good about myself if I know or sense that my behaviour is inappropriate?”

On the other hand, “How can or could I feel vulnerable and insecure and unlovable when I trust myself and take responsibility for my overall conduct and behaviour?”.

One of my early mentors, Paul Solomon, set me onto the path of understanding the importance and values of taking personal responsibility and becoming a conscious student in the school of life. Without his guidance and promptings, and those of other great thinkers that I have been blessed to encounter along the way, I may still be living in what felt like the dark empty shadow of my own core vulnerability. I know now from the direct experience that through taking personal responsibility and making good effort to transform myself on a daily basis, it is not only a possibility available to all, but should be the foundational principle of all of our systems, especially the education systems and above all, our personal lives.